Monday 8 June 1998
This is day one and I'm going through the "shall I shan't I" syndrome. It’s easy at two O'clock in the morning while your lying awake in bed to think to yourself what's going to happen. But I knew that it would all depend on the right moment. So I went into work and said to Gwyneth that I'd like to go to lunch with her later. Now Gwyneth is a great friend of mine. Very Welsh but very open. Never been married and not likely to at 55 this year, but we often go to lunch together so this was no big deal. I told her I had some things to discuss and left it at that.

So when lunchtime came my heart was pounding. But by now I'd convinced myself that this was really stupid, if anybody acted funny about this then I didn't want them as my friend anyway. So how did I tell her, well I was lucky because I'd been off work for a couple of weeks and I'd had some test results come back which said I could never naturally have children. After the initial shock of this I realised that as I was gay this was a little bit silly. So I explained the test results and then said that this had set me thinking and I'd decided to be open now about being gay. And what did Gwyneth say, "So what". Big sighs of relief all round. Good easy chat then and an explanation of my future tactics. Read further for an explanation.

After Lunch I spoke to my other closest friend in work, Marian and said I needed to go for a drink with her after work. This put poor Marian in a right tizzy for the afternoon but at 4.30 we went to the Adam and Eve for a drink. With a pint in front of me, and a secluded corner I told he story. And when it came to the crunch I just said..." so I've now decide to come out as gay". Marian said "I'm so pleased for you," sigh again and get into a good conversation about how happy I am now, and a chat on my next stage.

I was so happy that night I went home with a big grin on my face.

Tuesday 9 June 1998
It’s going to a big day today. I'm coming out to the team I manage. I'm currently the manager of a team of 9 clerical personnel. I work for the civil service and that’s as far as I'm saying on that front, but it wouldn't take Einstein to work out where.

I was having a team meeting to draw up individual action plans with everyone and decided to tag this on the end of the meeting. They are a great bunch of people but some of their humour is a bit risky and just lately one of the group has been taking some stick for mentioning that he questioned his sexuality as a teenager. But I shouldn’t have been worried as they all took it really well. Phil was a little shocked, Kim thought it was something really serious but generally they said OK. I thought that’s it I'm only going to mention to one other person in work and leave it be. So I decided to tell Sheila who I have a lift home with, who was also fine about it. I did need a drink that lunchtime and Marian came down with me and Sue and Ian popped in. But I felt like a great weight had been lifted. I thought I'd sit back then and see what happened. We have about 300 people in our office and my various jobs over the last few years mean that everyone knows me also I'm only one of a dozen at my grade in the office so that has meant a lot of contact anyway. There are a few other open gays in the office though so I'm not the first.

Thursday 11 June 1998
After a quiet Wednesday today things got interesting. The manager of another team on the floor called me to one side and said there was a big rumour going around that I had come out as gay and she was concerned that someone was being malicious. So I said yes that was true I told her about whom I'd spoken to and if anyone had a problem it was their problem not mine. So my ego was boosted by being told that other people thought I was very brave etc but its funny that no one actual came and said anything to me. I've made it quite clear that I'm not changing anything by this but perhaps I need to consider that it can affect others not just me. I also sent my letter off to Dave today. Dave's a good friend of mine from university so I wrote him a letter. Its easier that way and as he's a sailor (no pun intended) I never know when he's at home and I know his wife Sarah won't open a letter until he's home.

Saturday 13 June 1998
Dave phoned this afternoon to tell me that it didn't make an atom of difference. I was still one of his best friends and he wanted it to stay that way. I was so relieved, because we'd been so close at university but I didn't want him to think there's anything funny in it. I'm going to have to approach my parents soon. I think I'll speak to my sister Cath first and maybe one of my aunts. I'm a bit concerned as my Mum has been very unwell with a mental problem and my father has big heart problems. I'll just have to see how it goes.

Wednesday 17 June 1998
Heather in work came up to me today as I was walking down the office. She said what’s this I hear about you kind of funny. Not funny odd but funny ha-ha if you see what I mean. I said what and then we got into a conversation about things. She's the first person to actually come up to me about it but she said that she didn't want me to think she was avoiding the subject or me. I said not to worry about it as I'd come out but didn't want to make an issue of it I was just fed up pretending to be something I wasn't, and about time I started enjoying life. So that was interesting but otherwise all quiet on the western front.

Saturday 20 June 1998
I went over my parents today. Now I wasn't intending to say anything unless the moment occurred. I was going over to help my mum fill in some forms she'd received from the DSS. I've always been very close to my Mum and did want to tell her but the conversation didn't happen and I'm not going to push the event. I may not tell them for some time or I might just come out with it another. I feel I've got to be careful because my Mum’s been very ill with a psychiatric illness for almost two years and although she's ok at the moment you never know what may set her off. As for my Dad well even though we get on better now than we ever have there wasn't a very high starting point! So I didn't say anything.

Sunday 28 June 1998
Well there's not a lot to report this week. All is quiet. My sister got engaged and now I'll be accused of stealing her thunder if I say anything. Nothing much has happened in work to draw any attention although for the first time this week I actually openly commented on the good looks of a bloke I saw and it came quite naturally. I know that may sound odd but I've never done that before. I did get a few quizzical looks from some people but it was a momentary thing. I feel like doing something wild and adventurous but can't think what. Any ideas? By the way don't forget to mail me with any questions or suggestions. I've only had one mail on the site all week; please tell me someone reads it. You can always leave a message on my guestbook on my easynet pages. Ta-ta for now.

Sunday 5 July 1998
So what's been happening this week? MMmmm well I've had a few pleasant jokes in work without offence, I particularly like Ian's comment on getting off his back, he should be so lucky I retorted. Jackie's back in work and we had a little chat as to whether I was seeing anyone at the moment and I said that I wasn't but here's hoping. I think I'm chief agony aunt to Marian at the moment. Which is rather odd as she was there for me when I came out. Still haven't said anything to the folks but who knows what time will tell.

Monday 13 July 1998
This is a bit of a delayed update but with good reason. There's someone to be happy about at the moment. I'm not going to go into details as I don't want to embarrass him but he knows whom he is and I had a wonderful weekend and hope to have a good one next weekend too. That has been the highlight of my week and everything else that has happened just pales into insignificance...aah!

Thursday 16 July 1998
BIG NEWS I came out to my parents last night I went out with work and had a few drinks, and a few more, and a few more, and got quite decidedly tipsy. I had decided that I was going to tell them the night before but I was a little bit scared, as I had been a little upset the night before. However that’s another story. So I went up there at 6.45 and sat down started eating and when both my Mum and Dad were in the room I said, "I suppose you want to know what I'm doing here?” I said "Well I need to tell you that I've come out as gay". Then I carried on eating and went for it. My mum said as long as you are happy and my Dad said that’s fine. So big relief all round. We had a little chat and then Dad brought me home by 9 o'clock. I phoned up the man that’s keeping me ticking over and told him and then I came on the net and had a chat with Matt on ICQ. I am so relieved. I feel that everything’s working out now. My mum has told Cath my sister today and she thinks its great so the view by the family is as long as I am happy then so are they. I'm going out tomorrow night should be fun, fun, fun. I think this is the best decision I've ever made... its made me feel so much better and happier.