September 1999 October 1999 November 1999 December 1999
1 September 1999
So what’s the biggest bit of news you may wonder? Well I have decided I have
had enough of Swansea and need to move on to pastures new. I have been having a
major problem with work. A woman I have nicknamed the bitch from hell seems to
have it in for me and I do not know why, but this has meant that I am getting
more and more unhappy in my present work. I am also fed up with the way my
family is continually grinding me down. I have my own life and I need to lead
it. I feel constrained to worry about their health all the time with tremendous
guilt if I do not contact them regularly and listen to their gripes. I do feel
sorry for my sister who is living through this too, but for once in my life I
need to be self-centred.
So what does this mean for me? Well I think I need to consider where is best for me on the job front and as such need to go where I think the jobs will be best for me. In the main this means moving up to the big smoke of London. It will not be easy for me but I am big enough and ugly enough to cope. So I am actively seeking employment up there. (Any offers?) I am not writing out any other part of the country if the job is right but I anticipate that London will be the best for me. To this extent I shall be putting my house up for sale shortly. So if anyone out there fancies a nice two bed roomed house in Sketty in Swansea for about £48,000 then let me know. When the details are up I shall let you know, and the link from the front page will be active. To add to this point I should point out that my friend Marians house is up for sale and the link on the front page will take you to a nice spread on it.
I suppose you would like to know what is happening in my love life. Well so would I to be honest. There is a very special person in my life and he knows who he is. I am not sure where it’s leading and I think he has been a bit overwhelmed too, but hopefully we shall get our act together soon and then wham and bang. It’s enough to give one a headache. All I know is that we mean a lot to each other and are very special people in each other’s lives.
22 September 1999
So I have now applied for about 6 jobs and have sent off for applications
for another 5. If anyone would like to contact me concerning a job then by all
means do so :o) I have had more family problems and the severest guilt trip in
creation. I will tell you in person or by email if you are interested enough but
if your not then don’t worry. I think it makes me want to get away as quickly as
possible though.I have added some more pictures for your perusal. They aint much
but you can make of them what you want. I still aint got the house sorted to go
up for sale but we are almost there.
No news on the love life front its still hard work but there’s always hope and he so sweet and lovely. Don’t worry though; when it sorts itself out I shall be shouting it from the rooftops. Hehe
13 October 1999
Well the main purpose of this note is to say that my love life has kind of
disintegrated into a gibbering mess. Ok not quite that bad but close. It is my
own misdemeanour I guess but I fell big time for a guy and although I felt for
while that the feelings were reciprocated I didn’t reckon on the feelings being
even greater for someone else. I am not bitter about it all because that’s not
me, but I just hope that this guy makes him as happy as I could have. So to all
out there I am fancy free and single again. Any takers email me; I think I am
going to play an unattached game for a little while. I keep on getting hurt and
I don’t want it anymore. But if there are any people out there up to meeting me
then please get in touch. On the job front I have an interview tomorrow the 14th
in London and as such I shall keep you posted but otherwise I have no news on
that front.
15 November 1999
OK, so I have decided to turn this into a diary. Well I could see it
developing that way and thought why not. Basically a diary is something that
provides you with news of what’s going on in a person’s life so here we go.
Firstly I shall bring you up to date on the job front. I have had no luck to date on getting anything. I have been politely informed that I cannot go for a promotion transfer out of the office, I cannot get a level transfer unless I find someone of the same grade to swap with so my only option is to keep applying for jobs at the same grade or not requiring a promotion report. The other option is external jobs and to this end I have a few application forms I intend to complete.
The love life has been interesting. I have recovered from my previous love as best I can. I will always have feelings for him and I know he will for me, but even though I understand he is single again now I am not going to go chasing after him. He knows where I am and its up to him if he wants to rekindle anything. We are friends and I enjoy talking to him still but that is all for now. I have not stood still though, and have persevered. I have had a few false starts with guys recently. This I think is mainly due to the fact that I really went into slapper mode straight after to try and heal my wounds and find out if anyone actually wants me. Still I have also realised that a lot of people I like are afraid of trying anything because I am a friend. Although very flattering how much the friendship is valued I have stayed friends with people after trying things so I wish people wouldn’t be so worried. I am not the type to be funny and I value people for who they are. But anyway, with a bit of luck this will be all superseded shortly as I am very fond of a certain person who knows who he is and whose company I thoroughly enjoy. I wont give away any more details for his sake now.
So what else to report? Well I am not too sure really, I guess I shall try and add some stuff to my next diary entry. I am not sure how often I will update this and how it is going to expand, but fingers crossed I will keep up my interest.
18 November 1999
So life has its good points and its bad points... luckily at the moment I
feel like its having a good point. The love life has taken a huge leap for the
clouds and although I am keeping both feet firmly on the ground I can safely say
that there is someone putting a huge grin on my face at the moment. He is a
really nice guy and I think I am well smitten and fortunately he seems to quite
like me, silly boy *grin*
On the work front there’s not a lot to report. I have had a bit of a mood with my line manager over the way I feel treated and moaned at her today. Then I decided to get my head down and show exactly what I can do in the office and cleared all my items on hand up to date apart for two items I couldn’t find files for. I am still persevering trying to get a new job and have an application form for a job with Cardiff University planning department that looks good. I shall give it a go and see what happens. Not a lot more money to begin with but more scope as I would be starting at the bottom of the pay scale again. The job looks cool too as its a bit of stats a bit of management and a lot of common sense. Fingers crossed hey!
I also have a quandary to solve concerning Christmas and New Year. I am happy to go to my parents for Christmas but I aint so keen for New Year. There's a family party thing going on for New Year and I aint too sure if I really want to go to it. Oh I will let you know on my decision
22 November 1999
WOW I think I am in love!!! I have spent a fantastic weekend with a
wonderful guy, and I just feel fabulous. I can't wait to see him again, the
sooner the better, but I shall be patient because I have to wait a few weeks but
then: who knows. I feel so comfortable with this guy its unbelievable. I have a
huge sloppy grin on my face... as another friends said "you are grinning so much
I need my sunglasses"
I am quite pleased with progress with my Mum at the moment. She seems to be improving a lot with her new medication and getting into the spirit of Christmas. She seems to have it all organised. She also made a comment about my love life on Friday and that was quirky but aint had that for months. Was nice in a strange way.
Work was pretty good today even nothing fabulous but actually had a couple of compliments for work I had done, it made me feel appreciated for once.
25 November 1999
I am in love Its so wonderful that it scares me a little too but I have met
a fantastic guy who I think the world of. We are madly in love with each other.
Unfortunately he is away with family for a little while so I will have to manage
without speaking to him at all until the 5th December. I am going to miss him
like crazy (real Britney style, hee hee) that’s an in-joke! But time will go
quickly and I will soon be curled up with him in my arms.
I chatted on line to my friend Dan tonight. He really is one of my closest friends in the world. He is such a bubbly person he is great. I can’t wait to see him next weekend in Cardiff. I love him loads and I want him to know he means loads to me. Thank you for always being there babes.
29 November 1999
They say a week is a long time in politics. Well let me tell you it is also
a long time when you are missing the man you love. I wake up thinking of him and
go to sleep thinking of him. And as for the bits between that’s personal *grin*
I can honestly say that I have never felt this much for someone in my life
before and it scares me to death. Its Wonderful Scary . I have thought many
times that I am in love and yes I have felt strongly about people before but my
god this is real shocking stuff. I can't wait for him to come home and I cant
wait to hold him in my arms. Aaah I am a soppy bastard at times.
The weekend was good fun. Went into Swansea with my sister Saturday afternoon and went out on the town Saturday with a few friends. A lot going on for World Aids Day on 1st December. A Masked ball and Fetish party!!! Lots of flesh and PVC. Hmmmm interesting! I decided to wear a mask. I don’t quite have the physique for anything else. I had a number of offers on Saturday night too but I was good and turned them all down. Well nothing compares to my man. Sunday was lunch with the family. Was nice. It’s my Dad's birthday today so that was the occasion. I really should give him a quick ring now but can’t be bothered. I am feeling a little out of sorts really as my tummy has been a little dodgy today and I came home from work at 2.30 as I was a tad queasy.
6 December 1999
I am whole again. The love of my life has returned and I love him like
crazy. He is the most wonderful guy in the world and I am so lucky. *** I love
you SF ***(And I don’t mean Sci-fi)
The gaycardiff IRC channel meeting went well on Saturday and it was lovely to se so many people and good friends and a big thanks to everyone for making the effort to come out too. I have a horrid sore throat and swollen tonsils that’s pissing me off big time. But otherwise I just feel wonderful. Being in love is such a wonderful feeling.
7 December 1999
I know shocks and horrors, two days entries on the run, whatever next? A
quick response to an email!!! Well ok yesterdays entry was a bit brief and I am
home this afternoon and thought I would add a few bits of useless information.
Well I was awake at 6.30am this morning. God knows why! Well my throat is a lot
better today but my tonsils are still a little swollen; however I now have a
lovely chesty cough and quite a husky voice. Well not that husky but ya know bit
like sandpaper!
So I have decided to rationalise my email accounts and have decided to get rid of my NTL account. I don’t use it for logging on and since NTL has pissed about with a few things lately it’s costing me £5 a month for nothing. So I shall bulk email everyone I can find in my address book and advise them of my valid email accounts. Which will be changing shortly as I now have my own domain name, which is being sorted, through my easynet account. So I shall be www.ribtickle.co.uk and have the relevant email addresses that go with it. I also understand that this web site has made it into The Pink Paper !!! I am not sure how or in what nature as I haven’t had a chance to look yet but I shall at the next opportunity.
I have also decided that with the brilliant effect my last Web announcement had I am making another. (the last one being that I was gay 'ho-hum'). Well now its flab fighting time. I am currently 14 stone (196lbs/89kg) and I want to be 11st7lb again (161lbs/73kg) which I was many moons ago ... ok about 9 years ago!! Well I think given the right encouragement I can do it again and the fact I want to do it will help. I had a nice chat with a very good friend last night and he is one of the few people who can actually understand but also say about my weight without being hurtful. But considering that in February 1998 I was 17st10lb (250lbs/115kg) I know I can do it! So that’s that little confessional done with. Its no good starting this side of Christmas so I am gonna aim for starting in January and work on it through the spring. If I just lose 2lb a week from January through to my birthday in April then I shall do it, so keep the encouragement coming and help me please. One extra incentive will be my boyfriend, being so in love with him will be tremendously supportive and I am sure he will encourage me to. I know he says he loves me as I am but I want to do this because of me not because I need to. I love you loads SF.
12 December 1999
I have had one of the most fantastic weekends of my life. SF has been down
all weekend, well from Friday evening until this evening (Sunday) and I have
enjoyed every minute of it. I hadn't held him in my arms for 19 days and it was
pure heaven to do so on Friday evening. As every day passes I love him more and
more. It is a wonderful feeling. We put the Christmas decorations up together on
Saturday, went into Swansea on Saturday night and had a good time which also
involved us having a good chat about life and our respective histories which was
good to do and it was nice that we felt relaxed enough with each other to not
worry about saying it and I think it helps to get these things off your chest.
We had a great time together and I am missing him like mad now he has gone back
home. Thank god I will only have to wait until next Friday to see him again. I
love him so much and it feels wonderful to know he loves me just as much.
I went into work on Friday after being off Wednesday and Thursday which was rather interesting as I feel all out war is imminent on the idea put forward to reorganise the whole office. I don’t think it’s the content that’s so bad but the way it has been handled. Still we shall see. I have drawn up a few points I wish to raise on the matter. Should be fun and games all round.
My sister is going into hospital tomorrow. Will only be for the day but it is a little disturbing. Fingers crossed on that front.I intend to move all my web pages to my domain name by the end of the year. I am also redesigning a lot of it. If anyone has any suggestions please let me know.
20 December 1999
Well I feel all naughty for not updating this for over a week now, but hey
it’s getting near Christmas and things come along that kinda keep you busy. But
it hasn't been too eventful a week really and nothing to report until the
weekend I guess. I did spend last Wednesday Christmas shopping though and that
kinda knackered me a little.
So this weekend was spent in Bristol with the wonderful guy I am madly in love with. Its such a wonderful feeling and I had one of the most relaxing and happy weekends for a long time. It wasn't that we did anything special but it was just great to spend time together doing normal stuff like going round the shops, and of course getting heavily snowed on. We had a good giggle in the pub in the evening too, and I will not expand on references to turkeys, my mum and dad, or someone yelling "abuse" in the middle of the Elephant. He is such a great guy, I feel he is so much part of me now, I not only love him to bits but I am so in love with him it sends a tingle down my spine. I know he is in love with me too and we are just so good for each other. He's the best Christmas present I could have ever hoped for. I miss him like crazy when we are apart and I can’t wait until 30 December when he will be down here again. I was thinking on the train home yesterday. I feel that when the time is right we will want to move our relationship up a gear. I know its only early days yet and I know I am a fool in love sometimes but this is unlike anything ever in my life before and I can only see a life ahead, sharing it with him. GOSH it must be love!!!
26 December 1999
Ok so Christmas is over and done now. Well all bar the Turkey. Dad phoned me
up to say that he had been given another Turkey... so together with the
reasonable sized 11lb one they already had there is now a 32lb Turkey in several
pieces in their Freezer!!! I actually enjoyed the day at my parents. I do wonder
sometimes though as they seemed to go into innuendo overload and references to
me "getting it in first time", "usually tossing better than that" and sommat
about "being good with meaty balls". Still it wasn't anything to complain about
and I did feel rather spoilt on the day as I have had more stuff than any other
member of the family for the first time in god knows how many years.
I heard form the love of my life today. He had a mobile phone for Christmas and he phoned me today. It made me all warm inside to hear him but also saddened me when I heard how his family treated him at Christmas. As long as he knows he has me here for him always. I love him so much.
